Asides Dating Work

“I should blog today.”

2023 is halfway over, and by all intents and purposes, it’s probably the worst year of my adult life. That’s a bold statement — I mean, there’s still the other half of the year to go through — but the combination of events I’ve lived through so far ain’t making the latter part of this year look too rosy. However, in the spirit of perseverance, here I am still pushing on. So that’s something, I guess.

Here’s a recap of what’s happened since my last post.

Asides Dating Sex Work


  • The last six months of this year have been a real shitshow. Russia and Ukraine are still at war, Trump is making a comeback as he prepares to run for president again, Twitter got bought out by human boil Elon Musk, and tens of thousands of tech professionals are out of work due to this “is it or isn’t it” economic recession. I can’t speak for anyone else, but the combination of all this — and more! — has my levels of holiday cheer at near terminal levels. I need a job, a break, a win, and a hug. I’ll take them in any order if you’re listening, Santa.
  • On a lighter note, some promising things are occurring. I’ve been interviewing for a director position at a nonprofit, and after two rounds of interviews, I feel pretty good about it. They’ll let me know whether I got the job or not before Christmas.
  • I’ve also started back freelancing for the time being and I just landed a pretty big contract on Friday with a SV tech startup. I also have another contract out with a big NYC law firm, and I’m currently doing some consulting with a DMV-based strategy firm. None of these contracts have materialized into money yet, but they should pretty soon. Invoices are out, so fingers crossed those get paid before Christmas.
  • I went out on a date back in July with Sparky, this super cute and nerdy therapist I met off Grindr. After messaging each other for a month, we finally met up and went out to Fox Bros. for dinner. He offered to drive me home afterwards, which then led into us making out on my couch and having bloated, pork-scented sex all over my apartment. We didn’t see each other again, but not because of the hookup. During dinner, he mentioned how his usual type of guy is thin, white, and neurodivergent. Seeing as how I don’t tick any of those boxes, it became pretty clear that I was just his Nubian experiment. Plus, he already has three partners! And they all live together! Ain’t nobody got time for that. (Spoiler alert: he’s Black too. So.)
  • I started streaming on Twitch! My channel is still very new, and I don’t have a schedule yet, but I’m going to take some time over these last two weeks of the year and try and stream more. I’ll announce on Twitter when I’m live. Drop in and watch me solve some crossword puzzles and play old school JRPGs!
  • Random fact about me: I’ve only been to Trader Joe’s once, and that was to buy alcohol. It was at the one in Union Square that’s now closed.
  • You can thank this little earworm for the title of this post. (And thank TikTok for putting me on.)

Asides Work

“I do my work. I go home.”

  • It takes me about 7 months to warm up to people at a new gig. It sounds like a long time, but those months give me an opportunity to really assess the business and where it’s going, not to mention the interpersonal relationships between coworkers and teams. 7 months is also around the time I start feeling like looking for a new gig.
  • I’ve been at my current gig now for 7 months. So….
  • I realize that the reason I want to leave this job doesn’t really have to do with the job at all. Or the people. Or even the work I’m doing. I actually quite enjoy the projects I’m working on — they’re challenging, yet familiar, and they’re allowing me to stretch myself in interesting ways. If I could just focus on the work, I’d be fine with that. It’s all the other shit with work that I could do without. It’s just not the experience I want at this stage of my career.
  • I don’t know if this is me or if this is just a Black elder millennial trait, but I really only show up for work to work. I don’t care about the off-topic Slack channels or the after work game nights (where they always play Dungeons & Dragons, ugh). I notice that the white people I work with fall all over themselves to congratulate each other on the work they’re doing. But whenever the men and women of color on the team do something (myself and my direct report), the entire team is thanked, but we’re not thanked individually. This is some bullshit.
  • I didn’t realize how broken the hiring process was until I worked for a company and realized how utterly trivial companies are when it comes to hiring. Companies will have a public facing job application system that systematically rejects 99% of applicants. Companies will put up a job listing, take hundreds of resumes, conduct interviews (sometimes), and then not hire a single person for that role. Companies will quickly shuttle someone into a role, fast-tracking them past any sort of internal hiring processes, just because they have a personal relationship with the hiring manager or because they have a hiring quota to hit by the end of the month or quarter. Companies will make a huge public ado about DEI efforts and hire white person after white person silently while claiming they are “doing the work.” Sometimes, even a personal recommendation from a company’s CEO to apply for a gig means you’ll still get rejected for said job when you apply for it. Hiring is fucked, y’all. Especially at tech companies. Doubly so if it’s an early stage startup.
  • If you’re in an interview, and you’re asked about your salary expectations, say this: “I’d love to hear more about the role and expectations before considering compensation. Can we revisit this once I get a chance to speak with the team to see if I’m a good fit?” This does two things. 1) It lets the company know you’re serious about learning more about the role than what’s in the job listing. 2) It buys you some time, hopefully extending you over to more interviews. If you have to give a number, give a range instead. And if you think you lowballed yourself, don’t be afraid to say something like this: “Based on the conversations I’ve had and the scope of the role, I would like to adjust my compensation from [number or range you gave before] to [new and higher number or range].” Never be afraid to negotiate.
  • I recently went through five rounds of interviews with a company, only to have them reject me with a two sentence email. To add insult to injury, the company’s recruiter left me a voicemail message coddling me by saying that I shouldn’t cry about it and that I will go on to do great things. Bitch, fuck you.

“Pop it in the air fryer for 5 minutes at 360 degrees.”

  • I think I’ve reached a happy medium with streaming and cable. Here’s my setup:
    • I downgraded my Xfinity cable to their mid-tier plan — 70 or so channels, I think — and shelled out for their gigabit extra Internet plan. My employer pays for this.
    • I get both Netflix and Paramount+ for free through T-Mobile.
    • I get Prime Video for free with my Amazon Prime subscription.
    • I get Peacock for free through regular broadcast NBC.
    • I get YouTube Premium for free through my Google One subscription, which includes extra Google Drive space and automatic phone backups.
    • I get Apple TV+ for free through the cheapest Apple One plan, which includes Apple Music, Apple Arcade, and extra iCloud storage.
    • I get HBO Max through an HBO cable subscription, though I could get it via Hulu or Prime Video as an add-on for the same price. ($14.99/month)
    • I pay for Hulu ($5.99/month) and WOW Presents+ ($4.99/month).
    • I’m at the tail end of my 3-year Disney+ plan. It expires in November, and I might re-up through a bundle with Hulu and ESPN+.
    • I torrent everything else via ShowRSS,, and Plex. (That’s where the fast Internet plan comes in.) I mean, I could torrent all the things, but I don’t.
    • Spoiler alert: I watch YouTube the most out of all of these.
  • Muji discontinued their Relax essential oil blend, and I feel some kinda way about it. Back in the pre-pandemic days when I was traveling regularly, that blend would be my scent of choice to help make every hotel room feel comfortable. During the pandemic, it ended up becoming my go-to scent to calm me down for the day as I wind down to bed. Now I gotta create a new scent memory! Ugh.
  • Because me and #theapps just don’t mix, I recently joined to try and get back out there and date again. Can someone come write my profile? (I’m halfway serious about that.)
  • Is manifesting the qualities you want in a partner the new age version of a Kameelah list?
  • The latest pandemic purchase that’s been getting me through the days is a pug…well, a pug pillow. (I’m not paying $400 for a pet deposit.)
  • I have rediscovered the joys of ShoutCast radio stations, friends. Remember SomaFM? It’s still going strong! You name a music genre, and there’s a good chance there’s a ShoutCast radio station dedicated to it. I’ve been on a huge city pop kick lately, so I tune in daily to City Pop One.
  • Between Jerrod Carmichael officially coming out and the Zach reveal on Abbott Elementary, it’s been a good week for Black gay representation. As cliché as it sounds in 2022 at my big age, it feels good to be seen.
Sex Work

“Am I going through ‘the change’?”

Oh look — it’s Halloween and I’m posting again! (At least last year, I gave y’all a fancast.)