Categories
Asides Sex Work

“Am I going through ‘the change’?”

Oh look — it’s Halloween and I’m posting again! (At least last year, I gave y’all a fancast.)

Halloween may have fallen on the weekend again this year, but I’m in the house and not out and about, despite being fully vaccinated and boosted up. Even got a flu shot! I could put a $20 in some stripper’s jockstrap with my teeth and come out unscathed with this level of protection. But fuck, it’s a Sunday, so I’m in the house, bonnet on, vape pen charged, and just killing time until this week’s timeline-tormenting episode of Insecure.

A lot has changed since July! Remember that new gig I just started? I quit a week later! At the same time all that was happening, Ma’dea suddenly passed away. The combination of all that happening meant July was a whirlwind of a month. I got thrown into funeral prep, Zoom funeral prep, supporting my mom, trying to get in touch with distant relatives, going back to Alabama for a bit (shout-out to Twin for really being a true friend), and then spending August and September out of a job and parked on my couch playing Persona 5 Royal. Not exactly a “Hot Girl Summer”, but I did get a job offer and an advance, so I basically got paid to be sad and play video games.

Teenage Karsh would think I was living the dream, I bet.

I started the new gig earlier this month — another startup, quelle suprise — and things have been good. I’m overseeing a really big creative project, and it’s the kind of creative project I’ve always wanted to do. (I have to be intentionally vague about it, mainly because it’s an international project, but you know how it is around here.) Income is coming in, and even though I had a couple of dating false starts over the past few months, things are pretty good right now.

Oh, the book, you ask? Wanna know how progress is going?

Well…it’s a process. I’ve mainly just been recording long voice notes with transcription via Otter, and then copying those over into Scrivener. I don’t know if this is a good process or not, but on a lot of days, laying in bed and just talking out loud has been super cathartic. Why not capture that for the book?

That’s pretty much all that’s been going on these days. But before I go — gay men, this is just for you — let me hip you to a new scent that has been driving me crazy.

..

.

All clear? Okay.

Get you some Sri Pada essential oil from Hewn and add it to your bedroom’s oil vaporizer or oil diffuser. It smells just like a man’s taint and it is intoxicating to your boy.

(I need a man. Whew.)

Categories
Asides

“I should probably blog this weekend.”

Hey there! Hi!

Remember me?

Barely?

Yeah, I don’t blame you. The past eight months since my last real entry have been wild. I went to a virtual speed dating event, matched with a dude, we chatted for a month before meeting, and then we never saw each other again. (I thought about writing a blog entry about it, but that split happened months ago and he moved back to Minnesota, so fuck him.) Then I met another guy, this Brazilian cutie, but after four months of talking (and finally meeting), it deteriorated over Christmas. 0-2 in 2020. Not great.

In terms of work, I got a glut of speaking gigs at conferences, which was a quick way to bring in some money since the job search was still turning up nothing. Something did eventually come through — a gig working for an Amsterdam-based startup — but after six months, I left and started a new gig stateside (which between me and you, I’m also about to leave.) But the economy is starting to rebound in this country and jobs will be coming up soon as fiscal years end, so the market is actually kinda good right now.

Let’s see…what else. Oh! Things actually happened out in the world! We got a new president and our first female, Black and Asian vice-president! Angry MAGAts stormed the Capitol in Washington DC! And now 2021 is halfway over and Americans are out living it up this summer, despite less than half of the country being fully vaccinated as of the date of this post. (I got my Pfizer shots back in March and April, and I’m still at the house. Thanks delta variant.)

Did I mention that I turned 40 also? Yeah. Ouf.

Listen…a lot has went on. And in some ways, nothing has gone on. It’s funny how this past year and half has really fucked with all of us. I’m still in the process of discovering (and re-discovering) parts of myself after this period of time, and I think I’m finally ready to do the one thing I’ve put off for years and years — write a fucking book.

This book — which I’m calling A Book Called Draft — will be a collection of essays from, well, the Draft section of this blog. I’ve had ideas to write about this whole time, but just never sat down and typed them out and shared them. A Book Called Draft (or just ABCD) is going to be my last hurrah in the ongoing iterations of my online identity as the writer/blogger “Karsh”.

Why a book? Why now? Because I don’t have any more “blogging” in me. Blogging was something I started in my teens, did throughout my twenties, and tried half-assedly to continue in my thirties. Now that I’m ten toes down in the big 4-0, I’m not kidding myself anymore thinking I’m going to keep up the regular habit of blogging to an audience which probably doesn’t even exist anymore. Hell, I’m not even on Twitter that much these days, and I used to light that place up.

I might explore all that in the book. We’ll see.

Right now, I have nine essays in draft (and in Draft) with subjects ranging from love to sex to family and more. Not sure that’s going to be the final number, but I’ll see what else I feel I need to say once those are done.

So…yeah. I’m writing a book! Wish me luck, because I’m also using Scrivener to do it and am lost as hell.

Categories
Asides

“TAXI!”

The IT Crowd is one of my favorite sitcoms from the 2000s. In season 2, episode 4 of the series — titled “The Dinner Party” — Jen meets a guy and plans for a dinner party, but it goes wrong when she ends up inviting her co-workers (Moss, Roy and Richmond) and they point out the unfortunate pronunciation of her new beau’s name: Peter File (which in a UK dialect sounds like pedophile).

Jen brushes it off, but when the two are set to go on holiday together, well…watch for yourself.

The older I get, the more I realize I’m Jen in these types of situations. In any type of situation, honestly.

Even if everything is seemingly going well, the slightest hiccup, error, or misstep activates my fight or flight response and I want out. I’m talking nuclear option here — block the phone number, send the email to spam, and go about the rest of my day like nothing happened.

This has only intensified since the pandemic started. The most recent time I did this? About an hour ago with a new therapist who was not available for our first consultation at our scheduled time.

*sigh*

(I mean…it’s good that I recognize the behavior when it happens right? Right?)

Categories
Asides I Be Tweetin'

“What is this, The Princess and the Pea?”

A tale of comfort, impulse, and regret, in two acts.

ACT I

ACT II

THE END

Categories
Asides

“I’m clutching my balls because they’re warm.”

Fuck y’all. I like the lip bite.